The gaze

They stared at me.

I shifted my glance

Lest he comes to know.

But his piercing eyes

Penetrated my soul.

Little did I know

How that day

My destiny was shaped.

That gaze stayed with me

Long after he was gone.

In my dreams

He still stares at me,

That piercing glance-

His lips curled up.

He asks me, “Do you still...?”

How can I tell him now

What I couldn’t that day?

So I bleed, blanketed by sorrow

A victim of my own destiny.

Last wish

Just before I die,
Let me hold your hands,
Let me look at your eyes and say,
What I could not say for years.
Give me the courage to say I love you.
Just before I die.
Let the words flow as free as air,
Let my love pour down as rain.
Let me drown you in my love.
Just before I die.
Let me hold you tight,
If just once, but please kiss me,
Kiss me good bye,
Just before I die.

Trishul - the movie

My little daughter was fumbling with the television remote control. She was trying to turn on her favorite channel. As I was cooking in the kitchen I suddenly heard the baritone voice that had often set my heart beat faster. The voice was quite restrained and I could immediately figure out the film. It was “Trishul” – one of my favorite Amitabh Bachan films.
I have seen most of his films in my teens and was heavily impressed by his acting style. Amitabh was a hero whom everybody looked up to and we grew up on a staple diet of his films. Fortunately in those days we didn’t have cable channels and the stars were not over exposed. They retained their aura and enigma and have not become family members. We would wait for days or even months to view an Amitabh Bachan film and the occasions were welcomed by all family members. When I first saw “Trishul” I was overwhelmed by his style of acting which was quite different from the more popular ones.
But this time when I sat down to view it, it was different. I was no more a teenager enamored by Amitabh but a seasoned movie watcher who is quite choosy about her film viewing. But still I was amazed to find how this 1978 movie kept me glued to the television set for over three hours! I wondered was it Amitabh, was it Sanjeecv Kumar or the story itself.
Trishul is a fine example of Indian film with an interesting story line and some fine actors who were in their heyday. The restraint Vijay matched the vibrant Ravi and both Rakhee and Hema carried their roles well. But it is Amitabh who almost governs all the scenes and deserves special mention.
From the very beginning when Amitabh first appears on screen he portrays a character who is confident, knows what to get and how to get and is cool about everything. As I watched the film I felt how he dictates every scene and enjoys absolute authority. Be it with veteran Sanjeev Kumar or flamboyant Sashi Kapoor, it was Amitabh who stole the show with his presence.
The screenplay was superb with very little distraction. Overall “Trishul” is an out and out enjoyable movie which I realized, I can view many more times.

Thank you, Miss Marple

This was happening to me for the last couple of weeks. I felt lost. I lost my zeal for work, I sat listlessly in front of my laptop, unable to concentrate. I could only manage to write one article in a day and that made me feel sorrier for myself. I could not meditate, I could not read books and even blogging also didn’t excite me. I was caught up in a maze of emotions which took me nowhere. Same thoughts kept running in my head and the chattering that took place inside my mind made me feel dizzy. No matter how much I tried I could not get away from those thoughts. They kept visiting me and tortured me day and night.
Each day started on a dismal note and days went on to become weeks and I felt like radar less ship thrown in a vortex of conflicting emotions.
Tuesdays seemed to be carbon copies of Mondays and I could not differentiate one Saturday from another one. All the days seemed to be same- boring with nothing to look forward to.
I tried to boost myself by talking to my friends but it didn’t help. I even downloaded motivational articles from the internet and read a couple of them. They were good but they failed to motivate me.
Yesterday, I was sitting in front of the laptop mustering courage to finish an article. I haplessly looked around to divert my miserable thoughts. Suddenly my eyes fail on a stack of cds on the lower shelf. I picked up a box and found a collection of Poirot and Miss Marple films.
I fished through them and decided to watch “4:50 From Paddington”. I had read the story before but remembered it very vaguely.
I sat down to view it and within minutes was engrossed in the film. I enjoyed it immensely as I always loved reading and viewing Miss Marple. The film kept me engaged for over two hours and the charm of Miss Marple with her common sense and excellent deduction powers entertained me thoroughly.
By the time I finished the film, it was late afternoon. I was late and proceeded to finish my routine work in a lighter mood.
I felt less burdened by my feelings and regained my composure.
Miss Marple did the trick and brought me back to my normal world. Like in the film she saved Crackenthorpe’s from a murderer, she saved me from my own murderous thoughts.
Thank you, Miss Marple, you managed to save me this time!

The day which taught me to be present in the moment

The day started usually with me waking up at around 6.00 am in the morning. It was a cloudy day and I felt so sleepy. But I had to carry on as it was a working day. So I dragged myself and finished all the household chores and prepared my daughter for her school. I had some projects lined up also so I hurried along.
After leaving my daughter in her school I went to buy vegetables and groceries. When I was in the vegetable shop it started pouring and I realized that I was not carrying my umbrella. I took it as an excuse to walk in the rain and happily reached home never realizing that it was just a beginning of a series of forgetfulness. There was no power so I had to walk up to 4th floor. As I entered the house exhausted and thoroughly drenched and placed the plastic bags on the floor I felt that something was missing. There was no vegetable bag!!! I was too tired to go back to search for it and thought that I will search for it in the shops later on. But the misplaced bag kept nagging me and I could not concentrate on my work.
I left home early and visited all the shops which I had visited that morning and at last reached the vegetable vendor. I sheepishly asked him about the bag and he gave it to me. I tried to smile at him but he doled out some advice for me. In a rather serious voice he said “why are you in so much hurry always? Slow down, it will do you no harm”. I gulped down his advice knowing how true he was. I could not help but appreciate his observation power. I reached my daughter’s school to find her in a not-so-good mood as she was the last child left in the school.
Earlier I had planned to take her for a haircut and after much coaxing I succeeded in taking her to the barber. She kept quiet and didn’t cry. I thanked god.
We came back home and met our neighbor near the lift. As we chatted along her daughter enquired about my daughter’s school bag. It was my third mistake since morning. I immediately knew where it was. I must have left it at the barber’s shop!
I asked my neighbor to take care of Titli who was not very keen on staying back. But I persuaded her and rushed to the barber’s shop. As I approached the shop he saw me through the glass door and came out with the bag. I fumbled for words and managed a sorry and thank you at the same time.
I again rushed back home and took the lift and at last reached our flat with all the bags and baggage.
I didn’t venture out that evening in fear of again misplacing something. When I look back I realize how just rushing through the chores landed me in so much trouble. I was preoccupied in my own thoughts which led to this series of mistakes. Had I been present in the moment I would have saved a lot of trouble to myself and to other people also.

Bubbles make me happy

I was frantically working on my laptop. I had taken up a new content writing project and the file types were unfamiliar to me. It was already 5.30 p.m. and I was running short of time. I suddenly felt a tug at my forearm. My daughter was standing there. She smiled at me and expressed her wish to play with bubbles. I tried to explain to her how I was pressed against time. She kept on insisting. So I had to sternly speak to her. Tears welled up in her eyes. I felt bad and took her on my lap. “This is not done”, I told myself and reached out for the bottle of soap water on the table. As I blew the first bubble her face brightened up. She smiled lovingly and her innocent eyes lit up. As she chased the bubbles around in the room I looked on. Her fleeting feet, clapping of her hands and giggles filled the room. She tried her best to catch the bubbles. But those attempts mostly were futile. With each futile attempt her smiles broke in squeals of laughter. Her laughter lifted my spirits also. I joined her in chasing the bubbles.
Next few minutes were spent in blowing bubbles and bursting them.
She became tired soon and rested on my lap. Her face was so contented that I could not help but feel happy. She gently hugged me and asked me continue with my work. As she left me alone in the room I felt like a bubble. Light, soft and reflecting the colors of life. I pondered over those few minutes which brought so much pleasure in our lives. I proceeded to finish my work quickly.
And now whenever I feel pressure mounting up, I take out two minutes to blow some bubbles. They make me feel light, happy and carefree. Those few minutes have taught me an invaluable lesson on life. To be happy you need nothing much but a heart to create and feel it.

How a doctor made me feel proud

Last week had been very trying for me. I had signed up for a few new projects and work kept pouring in. Not that I want to complain about this extra work pressure but what made the task difficult was my daughter’s sickness. She developed cough and cold with high fever. For days she remained ill and could not attend school. She was in a very irritable mood and was not letting me work. As she was not improving I took her to the doctor. She likes this Homeopath doctor as he gives sweet medicines and his chamber always holds a special attraction for her because of the collection of pens he has.
On that particular day she was not her cheerful self. As we sat in the doctor’s chamber she started bombarding me with her questions. As I had nothing better to do sitting in that tiny room so I tried to provide acceptable answers to all her probable and improbable questions. The questions ranged from why does the doctor need two torches one yellow and one red to why does he keep red sketch pens and why are there stools in the room, who lies down on the bed and why and so on and so forth. As soon as I managed to get rid of one set of questions, I was barraged by another set. At one point I wondered how come a little brain hold so many queries. She should have some mercy for her beleaguered mother!
When I was going through this question answering session, the doctor was patiently writing prescriptions and preparing medicines for her.
After examining her he turned towards me and said that although he was busy with his work yet he was paying attention to what was happening in the room. He congratulated me on answering her queries successfully. He praised my effort and went on to say that this will enhance her learning capability and also encourage her to seek more. This actually will help her to grasp concepts and ideas better in her later life and also make learning an enjoyable experience for her.
I really felt proud. Although I have been doing this since she started talking as I already knew some of the good impacts of it but no one has till now praised my efforts openly. I felt good about myself.
As we left the doctor’s chamber my daughter waved him goodbye and sprinted along with me towards home. Both of us were feeling better although for different reasons. The doctor really made my day!